The Importance of Having Good People in Your Life

If there’s one important thing I’ve learned and been reminded of over & over again in life, especially over the past 15 years or so since becoming parents, it is how important it is for all of us to have good people in our lives…

People who bring out the best in us and make us smile wholeheartedly or laugh out loud; People who inspire us to open up & be our true selves, accepting us without trying to change us.

(You can read about that lovely lesson here).

I’m an introvert by nature, happy in my own company and completely content to spend my free time by myself. Even as a child I would spend hours writing in my diary, writing letters, crafting things or simply daydreaming about the future.

I had three siblings so obviously there was also a lot of time to practice being an extrovert – which has served me well at various stages in life – but I learned that the best way for me to regenerate was to spend time on my own.

As I grew older I then did a lot of solo travelling, which I’d completely recommend. I did ask myself at certain points whether I was really seeing the amazing sights if I didn’t have anyone to share the experience with (this was obviously before social media!), but on the whole I thoroughly enjoyed my independence.

Those years opened my eyes to the world, let me become better acquainted with myself and in turn led me to meet some of the most amazing people – a couple of which are still amongst my closest friends today.

However, as easy as it was for me to be alone, it also then unfortunately became a negative coping mechanism when I was going through hard times. My default reaction is still to retreat from everyone & everything, shutting myself off and avoiding social contacts altogether when I’m feeling low. Those closest to me know that if they’ve not heard anything from me for a while, I’m probably not 100% ok. So I’m extremely grateful to those friends in the past that showed up anyway, offering me a lifeline and not taking no for an answer.

Through personal experience and with the help of counselling & rehab, I’ve now realised how important it is to build up a good team around you. To have friends you can lean on when you’re struggling, or simply call on out of the blue for a chat, to lift each others’ moods.

The Power of Positive Relationships

Positive relationships have nothing to do with the amount of social media followers or likes we have, but are about meaningful social connections with likeminded individuals.

Positive relationships are the ones that lift us up, make us truly happy and allow us to be our true selves.

They also have the power to bring us out of a lull or depression, sometimes simply inspiring us to get up and out of the house… (Thanks dear friend!)

These relationships sustain us and help us grow & thrive. They can be both with family members or with friends who become like the family we choose for ourselves.

Either way, science has proven that meaningful friendships & social connections can enrich our lives and benefit us in a multiple of ways:

Giving us the feeling of being valued
Gaining an increased sense of belonging
Creating happiness & emotional wellbeing
Improving our self-confidence
Proving that together we are stronger than on our own
Decreasing stress levels
Helping us to deal with difficult situations
Reducing the symptoms of depression by feeling less alone & isolated
Encouraging us to be the best version of ourselves

Positive relationships are valuable connections that should be recognised, cherished & nurtured.

Just like flowers & trees need deep roots to sustain them and water to grow & thrive, so too should we tend to our good friendships by investing time & energy into them.

Being a good friend is just as important as having a good friend!

Equally, it is vital to have a look at the relationships we currently have with the people closest to us to weed out the bad ones – anybody that is a negative influence, an energy vampire literally draining us of our life-force needs to be let go of or relegated to the “occasional acquaintance” box.

Actionable Steps for Building & Nourishing Positive Relationships

The more you can surround yourself with people who uplift you and bring out the best in you, the better you’ll feel, the happier you’ll be longterm and the more rewarding your life will become…

You’ll also become a better friend to those that need your friendship.

To Begin With, Ask Yourself the Following Questions:

Who do you enjoy being around?
Who do you come away from feeling energised and better about the world?
Who makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes you feel light & lovely?

Who has the opposite effect on you, leaving you completely drained?
Who do you leave feeling stressed, depressed or overwhelmed by?
Who do you instinctively avoid picking up the phone to when they call?

Then make a conscious effort to nourish the positive relationships by being a good friend yourself, whilst slowly (or instantly) weeding out the negative ones.

10 Ways to Be a Good Friend:

Call or message regularly, even if there’s no specific reason.
Write a note or put a card in the mail if you’re thinking of them or you know they need cheering up.
Schedule time together, whether for a coffee, a walk or a glass of wine to catch up.
Place friendships higher up on your important to do list.
Ask your friend how they are, what’s going on in their life and what’s currently important to them.
Be a good listener.
Don’t judge, don’t criticise.
Offer help when help is needed.
Give thoughtful advice if asked for, but keep your opinion to yourself if it’s not.
Simply be kind, be loving, be LOVELY!

Think about how you would like to be remembered. What stories would you like people to tell about you when you’re gone? That’s who/how you have to aspire to be…

Another thing you can do to build positive relationships is to get involved with a charitable cause or community group. Helping others has been proven to promote better mental health & happiness! So whether you’re involved with your children’s school or become active with a charity of your choice, this is a definite way to boost your mood by doing something for others.

Be careful which one you choose though and don’t overcommit before you’re sure… There can also be a lot of stress and negativity involved with some organisations, and since the aim here is to promote positive self-care, if you feel it’s draining you rather than energising you, take a step back or try something else.

Obviously we all have days when we simply can’t face seeing the world or interacting with anyone, no matter how well-meaning they are. But even then we can encourage positive relationships for ourselves by actively choosing our entertainment…

Whether it’s a favourite tv show with characters we love or that make us laugh, a movie we know the outcome of, a podcast that inspires us or an uplifting book… By making the choice to surround ourselves with positive stimuli and inviting only people into our home & personal space that we “know & like”, this will help boost our mood and make us more inclined to seek out real relationships again when the time is right.

This is a story from one of our favourite TV Shows, The West Wing, which highlights the importance of having positive, meaningful relationships to help you through the darkness when you’re going through a hard time:

One of the loveliest and most rewarding things in life is the people we meet along the way who touch our hearts, open our eyes and lift up our soul… People that come into our lives and share our journey with us, for however long may be, and in so doing change us forever.

People who change our world with their goodness & kindness, inspiring us to become a better version of ourselves. Regardless of what comes our way or of how much distance or time separates us, they are there in the background supporting us, lending a hand and cheering us on. Always ready to pick us up when we fall, without question or judgement!

Often they come bearing wine – and/or tissues 😉

We’ve been lucky enough to make some amazing connections over the years & we are extremely grateful for the impact those connections have had on our lives. We’ve travelled extensively and lived in various different countries around the world, on our own, as a couple & as a family…

At times we’ve felt a little out of place, like outsiders, tumbleweeds simply drifting in the wind. Other times, we’ve been privileged enough to meet some of the most kindhearted, generous, thoughtful & loving people who chose to let us into their lives…

In so doing, they were able to join us on some of our journey and be a part of various chapters we’ve lived through. We are immensely grateful to all of those wonderful friends we’ve collected over the years that have supported us, accepted us, nurtured us and loved us.

When you first meet someone, you never know whether it will remain as just a chance encounter or be the beginning of something beautiful. So be open, be kind and enjoy those special moments of human connection. Who knows where it might lead…

Life is more fun, more fulfilling and filled with meaning when we build relationships that last the test of time! x

“Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.”

– Karl Marx